Published to Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum, a man posting with the username u/girldad2022 shared his story for the “AITA” community to decide if he was in the wrong. The post has over 7,000 upvotes and 600 comments.
“My (32M) family is what I would consider ‘generational military.’ We have ancestors that fought in WWI and beyond,” the original poster (OP) began. “I grew up being moved from place to place, going long stretches without seeing my father and I hated it. Any time I’d say I missed my dad or I wished I could see him more, I was quickly told to be quiet and be proud of my dad for being a hero. I once was upset we had to move because I was finally making friends and was told to not be selfish.”
The man explained that he has three brothers and sisters who all enrolled in the military when they were 18. Out of his extended family, he was the only one who didn’t enroll. His answer as to why was plain and simple: he did not want to. He said he found the concept “predatory and wrong.”
He went on to receive a college degree and got his dream job. He got married and now has two daughters. Despite the way he was raised, he wanted to be in his two daughters’ lives as much as possible. He enjoys helping his oldest with her homework, he actively attends recitals, school events and concerts. He also loves spending days with the two of them alone or with his wife.
He was offered a promotion at his job where he had to travel for two weeks. There were pros and cons, but after careful consideration, he and his wife decided it was worth it as they are doing good financially.
However, during a family outing, the promotion was brought up in front of his father, who is now retired. He asked OP why he would give it up. He responded that he didn’t want to miss out on his daughters’ childhoods, or give them the impression that he abandoned them.
He wrote, “My dad’s chest puffed out and he said that was a drive by. I was confused and he said I had never been quiet about being unhappy as a military kid. He went on a rant about him not being an absent dad, I was an ungrateful brat, not patriotic, telling me to move to Canada if I hate America so much.”
“I said I don’t hate America, I just hated growing up without a physically present father. He said he was fighting for our country, I said that was a choice and I’m allowed to not agree with it. My wife, kids and I left shortly after. My wife agrees with my point but said I was an a**hole for wording my reasons for not taking the promotion like I did,” he concluded.
Newsweek reached out to u/girldad2022 for comment.
Many children have family members serving in the military. According to the School Superintendents Association, since 2001 about 2 million children come from military homes. An average military family is three times more likely to relocate than a family with non-active military members.
Are you a part of a military family where either you or your spouse is being deployed? Here are some ways to help your children cope with one of their family members being gone via ourfamilywizard.com. Start with being honest with your children and telling them what they can expect and where their parent is going as well as where they will be. Encourage children to express what they’re feeling in the midst of the change. Like many other families, reminding children they aren’t alone could go a long way.
Many Reddit users were quick to comment in defense of OP.
“[Not the a**hole] - your dad’s insecure childish reaction says it all,” u/tipareth1978 wrote, receiving the top comment with over 10,000 upvotes.
“[Not the a**hole], you are being a great father by putting your childrens lives first,” added u/Technical_Feedback53. “Being present in their up bringing will forever be better than any job promotion. Your father got defensive because he knew you were right, don’t listen to him you are doing the right thing. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to put your children first and you are not ‘an ungrateful brat’, it’s not your fault he chose war over his son.”
“[Not the a**hole]. If your dad was confident in his choices, hearing that you didn’t like it wouldn’t set him off. Good for you for ending that pattern, OP. Your kids are lucky,” u/ShouldahWouldah exclaimed.
“[Not the a**hole]. Your dad knows he was never around. You just pointed it out. I don’t think you said or did anything wrong. Your dad was critical and you expressed your honest feelings. Good on you for breaking generational habits,” u/Indivuidal_Rush-6927 commented.
u/JackeyLoveJay had some kind words for OP: “[Not the a**hole] it’s your life and your family. Don’t ever feel different for not enlisting. You have your own goals in life and some people aren’t as brave as you to follow their dreams.”
